Back in the 70's when ashrams and DLM were the thing, I was sent by Sydney NHQ to do an aptitude test to be trained on an IBM computer.

I went with a friend.  I was well dressed, my best office work clothes, there was no spinach between my teeth, it really should have just been fun and easy and yet I have this searing memory of standing on the steps and being almost paralysed with performance anxiety.  It was so intense it stands out in my memory.  Are you alright, my friend turned to me fine I reply and start moving again.

I mean it's not like I hadn't faced other testing moments in my life, plenty of exams during school, and not felt like that.

Believing in 'maharaji' makes you so vulnerable.  

As I understand it you were made to feel you were elite to be included in a training and then seeing it from the sidelines of the refreshments tent it felt really disturbing to me, like it was a real kicking being administered psychologically.  

It is not surprising there were numbers of premies exiting in the wake of the trainings.

And another turn of the screw for those of us that stayed.