Thanks guys, EPO has been a great resource for support and sharing perspectives. I think back to the glory days and realize, we were in a constant battle to deflect weirdness. Either coming from above or from the community oddballs. It was basically a relentless assault on all sensibilities normal to human living.
No wonder we sought the refuge of inner peace, the outer world had been replaced by a sticky social order that fed on itself. I think that is why friendships were so important within the cult. Someone, anyone who would listen and share their honesty. And honestly cults are mine fields for wayward souls.
But oh how good it feels to be free. It only took most of a lifetime, but happy to have come out the other side.