I had another strange dream
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Posted by:
Lp ®

02/20/2007, 00:13:29
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I don't know if I would call it a nightmare, because I didn't wake up disturbed, just marvelling.

My wife invited several friends round for dinner. They were strangers yet they all resembled premies I once knew and counted as friends.

I soon realised that it was not a friendly gathering. They each tried to talk to me. I could see that they were annoyed, with me, even angry, and yet their words did not make sense.

Some of them mumbled through the main part of the sentence, some were speaking gibberish from the beginning. After, in a kind of desperation to understand, I had, embarrasssingly asked them to repeat their words 3 or 4 times over, I got one point. They were saying they could not let my wife continue to be with me.

I turned to her and asked: "Is this what you want?" She produced a small notebook, but that too was filled with gibberish. One thing there I recognised. It was a list of the negative words and phrases I had used toward Maharaj Ji.

I had often had these dreams were I dreamed she was leaving me and I had awoken choking for breath, my breath only capable of performing the "Hung", the outgoing part of the breath, in cries of anguish, and not the "So" part.

My latest creative work was a 5 foot, unfinished plasticene dolphin hanging on the wall, which at this point I nervously fiddled with, trying to mold it, to make it look less like a shark, and I suppose trying to show her that I was an innocent, creative person.

But this time seeing the ugly company she had assembled in my room I said. "OK if that's what you want." and did not cave in with grief.

Twice, when the others were out of the room getting drinks, one of them, a lady, physically attacked me. But all denied the likelihood of such a thing, when they returned.

But this time I did not wake sweating and disturbed, but lay contented, breathing easy, but puzzled. Sleep had gone.. (4.45 am).

I arose, and as usual, came straight to the forum. I was once more among friends.

Then I saw Lexy's post saying a post of mine should not be hiding down here, and I seemed to understand a connection to this dream.

The post she indicated I considered to be the sequal to the former post, which was a bit incoherent, but I think it has a relevance to the second so I am putting them both up here out of hiding.

(In my travels through UK and USA, that Andrea Cagan's book speaks of, I was only accepting invitations, I never planned my moves.)

Re: Hi Lexy

Or put another way

I thank all of you for being there. I don't know where I would be without you.

Thanks for your patience.

Saph







Modified by Lp at Tue, Feb 20, 2007, 01:53:07

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Re: I had another strange dream
Re: I had another strange dream -- Lp Top of thread Archive
Posted by:
13 ®

02/20/2007, 00:37:11
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I too was up at that time, but for less interesting reasons. The dog found 3 ways to be incontinent...

Want to meet for coffee? email...





Modified by 13 at Tue, Feb 20, 2007, 01:01:20

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e mail sent, perhaps see you later.Thanks man.
Re: Re: I had another strange dream -- 13 Top of thread Archive
Posted by:
Lp ®

02/20/2007, 01:00:37
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reminds of when my dog had puppies, every morning 4.30, a chorus of little yelps and what a mess. I hope you were spared the 4th incontinence: worms. I would open the door and they would pour like a canine river onto the lawn in the dark. (The puppies: not the worms)





Modified by Lp at Tue, Feb 20, 2007, 03:01:10

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I thought you guys were continents apart?
Re: e mail sent, perhaps see you later.Thanks man. -- Lp Top of thread Archive
Posted by:
Jim ®

02/20/2007, 11:36:39
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I thought you, LP, were in Colorado and you, 13, were in Britain somewhere?






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Yes, but because we have our own
Re: I thought you guys were continents apart? -- Jim Top of thread Archive
Posted by:
Lp ®

02/20/2007, 13:05:52
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 private jests it's no sweat to meet in the middle.





Modified by Lp at Tue, Feb 20, 2007, 13:06:58

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I'm not a psychologist but...
Re: I had another strange dream -- Lp Top of thread Archive
Posted by:
Annie ®

02/20/2007, 02:03:26
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it sounds like you still have some feelings of guilt associated with leaving Rawat and his cult. You think you deserve to lose something you love because of your negative words against him but this time the feeling did not overwhelm you and cause breathlessness. It sounds like you are starting to reconcile what you know to be true (he is a crook) with what you fear to be true (he is god). It is a positive dream - hang in there!






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I already lost what I love 10 yrs. ago
Re: I'm not a psychologist but... -- Annie Top of thread Archive
Posted by:
Lp ®

02/20/2007, 02:42:00
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She was still my wife in the dream, but in real life she is my ex-wife. He is no god, hardly even a human being!

This dream is merely an accurate portrayal of what happened then, with the usual dream weirdness thrown in: except that then I fell to pieces.

But loving regards Annie. You never know what still lies unresolved, deep in the subconscious.






Modified by Lp at Tue, Feb 20, 2007, 06:16:56

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Re: I had another strange dream
Re: I had another strange dream -- Lp Top of thread Archive
Posted by:
lesley ®

02/20/2007, 14:02:26
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I have a friend who is a painter.  She will always insist when looking at a painting (or a dream) that as the creator of it you can read it as all about just one person, yourself - each element a part of yourself.

I dunno if that is a truism - and it does make you wonder about the 5ft plasticine dolphin - but it's fun to do.  And I do have my own theory:

If my memory is a library then it's indexing system is emotional.  

I have to look at my life so far and recognise that things just happen, I didn't say to myself okay time for puberty now, get ready to rock and roll and don't forget the attitude - and who would wish to leave the clarity of a ten year olds mind anyway for that matter.

It is now documented that our brains start out fairly gooey and go through a process of brain waves starting at the base and finishing at the front, the process being that the grey matter becomes more formed and wrinkly.

So there we were at ten with an ability to reason and think that somehow got upended with puberty and then reappeared in our mid twenties, got upended again around 40 and reappeared again around 50.

I remember my ten year old thinking with a lot of affection, and I think I will always feel like that for my current self, but the one in the middle, the mid twenties one is not so clear.

There was a certain dullness and confusion.  By 30 I had a mild case of world weariness even which doesn't seem to sit innately with my temperament.

So as I said, lots of things just seem to happen that I can only see what it was after the event, and I have to make the call that this is a continuing thing.

My memory matters to me, it does. 

A signifcant part of our emotional development took place in a cult.  Those late teens early twenties.  Instead of doing them on our own terms intellectually, we had a cuckoo in the nest prating on about surrendering to the lotus feet being the only proper thing to do.  Good grief.

So here's my theory.  Because we were not on our own intellectual footing at the time maybe it can sometimes feel like being dragged through a hedge backwards, but whether we like it or not in the same way we grew milk teeth we are wanting to have clean memory lines that will pass through from current to the earliest days.  Without being choked with that grey miasma of cuckoo speak.








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