Hi,
of course we change, but mostly we don't change the way we want to change. There was a time, I was so sure that I always wanted to stay a premie and for my opinion I tried hard and of course I tried too long. I even still tried when his videos got boring and his message ( so far he has any ) got irrelevant for me. I tried cause it was my habit.
There was a time in the 70's were I got something good out of the whole scene. I've met a lot of nice but crazy people and I got somekind of orientation in the posthippietimes. But I got too much under the influence of that groupdynamics in a cult. We thought we know and we were told we don't need to believe but it would have been easy to see that we all inculding me were complet believers. We believed that we have the ultimate knowledge. We haven't realized it, but at least we knew someone who has realized this knowledge. In this mental condition I lived and always felt an inner conflict I could not name. On one hand I had the super knowledge that should bring me peace of mind and happiness. On the other hand I felt pain and suffering. As a premie it was nearly a tabu to feel pain, we all were justified to be free off suffering and pain, cause pain and suffering was a sign that you don't practice enough. If we had problems I've learnt to tell myself to do more satsang, service and meditation. So this is what is cultthinking and this is hard to leave behind when you don't have good advice from some loving people who've gone through things like that.
What was right for me a long time does not feel good anymore. I moved on and I'm proud that I left that cult cause the result is that I left that thing that brought me more in my inner conflict, than it brought me freedom from it.
Out of my perspective today I was completly naive to accept a persons authority, a person I never talked to personally, a person that was just mystified.
Yes I feel free and I've really changed, were I once was loud I'm silent and know about my own crazyness that made me to a cult victim.
This is not an answer to what you have writen, this are my thoughts that were inspired by the idea, that we do change. Yes we do! But anyway I've learnt a lot and not only worse things. The fact that life can be great and that there are magic moments is not a lie but we can get cought up by false prophets, who tell us that they know the one and only way to life's greatness.
love.........wolfie
