"Honest Prem's"                    going out of guru business garage sale
Would I lie to you? photo courtesy of The Echo Newpaper- Byron Bay, Australia Whether you are starting your own guru business or are just plain nostalgic, you will find hundreds of discounts on Guru and Lord of the Universe accessories exclusively at "Honest Prem's". They made me wear some of these great bargains in front of large gatherings.  They made me let them kiss my feet.  Fortunately they are all total idiots so it is easy to get over the humiliation I am experiencing (but I am still thinking about suing them.)  I guess they got something out of it by building themselves up mentally and emotionally as if they really were kissing the feet of the Lord of the Universe (see what I mean about idiots) But just to prove that I didn't want any of this stuff I am selling off all of the Lord of the Universe accessories they made me have.  And I want everyone to be perfectly clear all I am is a "meditation teacher" and next I might be a personal coach so move over Tony Robbins.   (Also, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" and furthermore "the glove does not fit")
Here are just a few of the exclusive bargains  you won't find anywhere else:
Lord of the Universe Crowns	$4,836.95	ea.
Mahatma Uniforms	$199.95	set   caps are extra
Bai Uniforms	$199.95	set
Satin Foot Pillows	$79.95	ea.  silk $399.95 ea.
Darshan Socks	$85.95	pr.   sorry pairs will not be broken
Dried Malas	$99.95	ea.  rare & exotic flowers garlands from         around the world
Program Stages                          starting at	$10,099.95	many options available
Darshan Stages                          starting at	$4,459.95	many options available
Water Cannons                hurry only 4 left	$799.95	ea.
Silk Pant,Jeweled Coat Uniforms as low as	$3,999.95	set
Portable Darshan Tunnels	$8,999.95	ea.   (must see to believe)
Smart Card Encryption Equipment	Make Offer	everything you need to  control           access to your programs
Instructor Manuals	$12.95	ea.   everything you need to create a           heirarchy of underlings beneath           you
WPC Armbands	$5.95	ea. great for building your security                  team
Watches Watches and More Watches	individually priced	great for keeping track of time which   isn't real any way
DUO  second hand clothing from jumbling	too much to describe	every thing you need to start a non     profit business and compete       with the salvation army
Satellite Uplink Equipment	$299,999.95	great way to stay in touch with your hordes
Unsold Videos	$19.95	great for recording your favorite TV                        programs.
Thousands of other unique gifts each priced seperately. many hand made, given to me by sincere people sorely mistaken that I was the Lord of The Universe, (see what I mean about idiots) which I accepted only because the return postage would have been so expensive.  ((I had my underlings constantly try to explain to them (but they still wouldn't listen.) that Maharaji really appreciated these things but could not use them in carrying out his mission.  What I really needed was their "devotion" which where I come from means "cash"  Which by the way is more easily converted into fast cars, jets, mansions and yachts than their silly little examples of hand crafted expressions of devotion.  (Like the life sized ebony  elephant one fool carved for me from a single tree .  I mean really, what the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?  And what the hell was this guy thinking, if he would have gotten a simple job at MacDonalds he would have been able to contribute thousands of dollars in cash to me from his earnings instead of wasting his time on this stupid elephant statue which has taken up valuable space in my garage for several years.  Jeesh, what idiots.  I have thought about pushing it off the cliff into the ocean but then I realized it might bring in some big cash at a garage sale.)                                              MUST SEE TO BELIEVE!                                      Many Many More Items Available                           Sale Ends Soon So Hurry Up The Hill To See Me!                          Top of Trankas Canyon Road on the left.  Get Map              All Sales Final, CASH ONLY in unmarked bills, Dealers Welcome      Remember....Bring Cash and Come Early! copyright SATGURU SALES INC. all rights reserved