I showed your post and Jim's response to my isn't a premie never was wife, who is somewhere between neutral and totally bored by this whole subject of Rawat including this forum. Even she found your post shallow and condescending but did find Jim's post very funny.

But like Susan I am a sap so I will answer your question. Let me start off by saying that in retrospect the lowest part of my life was the time I was an aspirant/premie between around 1977 and 1983. Like someone who undergoes a trauma, I had really blocked out this whole part of my life from my active awareness. As a consequence, and I'm sure you will find this difficult to understand, I consider my participation on this forum to be part of the positive aspects of my life. There is an interesting post, I think it is in the "best of" on EPO where I relate telling my wife for the first time, after almost 10 years of marriage, about my experiences as a premie and her responses to that. Before that, she knew I had been involved in something but I had never spoken about it.

So this forum has been a chance for me to reevaluate and in some ways regain some years in my life that had been lost to me. In addition, and most importantly, and probably even more incomprehensible to you, I consider my participation on this forum as a way of helping premies and people who are just learning about Rawat. In my opinion Rawatism is a belief system that is very personally destructive.

When I left Rawat, my general sense of well-being went immediately in an upwards direction. I stayed in contact with a few premies up through the early 90's. Ironically I always remember feeling sorry for them. They all seemed so unhappy and frustrated, although of course they would never ever admit that.

I also was involved in an unhappy relationship for awhile, and even then, my sense of well-being was more positive than when I was a premie. You will perhaps chalk this all up to my lack of sincerity as a premie, which of course you are free to do, but let me assure you I was as sincere as I possibly could be. There wasn't anymore sincerity in reserve.

One of the things I really appreciate since leaving Rawat is exactly the things that I was supposed to be freeing myself of as a premie. Critical thinking for one thing. But even more significant was the ability to welcome my full set of human emotions. For me it isn't just saying that life has its ups and downs. It is these ups and downs that ARE life. To avoid them and live in a kind of neutral slightly euphoric emotional stasis is denying the gift of life.

I remember a few years ago my father-in-law, to whom I was very attached, died rather tragically and unexpectedly. Although the grief I felt was very great, I would never want to minimize it in any way. In such moments it is as though you become hyper aware of your feelings and they should be embraced. In these times you really get to know yourself and your relationship to others.

Generally I am a very optimistic person and today I live a very positive life. I have a very happy relationship, I own a successful business which is also a great place to work. It is like a big family. I have some great friends. And I have an undying curiosity for the world around me which is a continual source of personal inspiration.

I really feel very thankful that my life has turned out so well. It certainly doesn't have alot to do with any diligence on my part. As a consequence I try to take some time out to help others who for whatever reasons are not so lucky. I worked as a volunteer in an aids home for awhile for example. This was a very difficult but also very deeply moving experience. And of course I post on this forum.