In response to this your remark, "Reporter", :

The grief is not for what you were doing then, it is what you are experiencing now.

I have to say that while there were moments of bliss and joy being a premie (just as there are moments of bliss and joy drinking cognac or being newly in-love), there were then and still are some underlying problems about all of this that you have to have seen, at times, yourself too!  Come on--be honest now--were'nt you EVER shoved aside by premies who thought they were superior to you?  Weren't you EVER for a moment concerned about Rawat's vast and insatiable materialism?  Were't there EVER moments when you questioned something, and then just shoved it under the carpet so you could go on "believing" rather than risk a truth coming through?  Wasn't there EVER a moment of jealousy or envy of those who had more money and could go to more programs than you?  Weren't you EVER dismayed about the pedophile charges which Rawat and his organisations have never had the guts to address. Maybe you want us to believe you are different and better than the rest of us here, because you NEED to keep hanging onto that belief?!

Also, there's a period of grieving necessary anytime ties are cut with what was once familiar and valued!  Who can say how long that process takes, or whether or not it helps to express some anger and dismay about the feeling duped part of it?   It's a very individual thing, and only a trained psychologist could really say  what's "present" grief and what's old.  I'm assuming you are not a trained psychologist?

But in the end, it doesn't matter, because as they say, being successful and happy is really the best revenge, and I can honestly say I am a lot freer to pursue these things now I'm not in a cult!

I wish you well in coming to terms with what's really true for you!  Really...in spite of how the words "real" and "true" have been used in the world of premiedom.  Try, is you can, to remember something that was "real" and "true" for you, long before you ever heard about any of this.  Almost everyone has very honest responses to the world around them as a child--unless you were unlucky enough to be traumatised by something at a very early age.

Cheers,

Shelagh