"The pay off  in joining a religious cult was that I got quick elevation to a mystical place where the stuff that was repeatedly "going off" in me became un-triggerable. (There is I vaguely recall a school of psychology that states that personality is nothing more than the choice of the  appropriate suppressing behaviours to pre-empt the possibility of approach to unadressed sensetive issues) "

Very true Bryn. The "holy trinity" of satsang , service and meditation all served as ways of anaesthetising me too, so that I didn't have to confront the really painful issues in my life at that time....in this way I thought that knowledge brought me peace and worked ! In fact it could keep someone in emotional suspended- animation for years. Blimey I suppose Rip Van Winkel must have felt similar when he woke up ! I was lucky ( IMO) in that during the general confusion after the "holy family" split ,someone at work introduced me to re-evaluation co-counselling  ( Harvey Jackins style) which,although it had it's pitfalls, was more down- to- earth and very good for me at the time as I had to confront and speak about personal "issues" and there wasn't the ridiculous notion that the world was all "maya" and bad for us.

I always kept "being a premie" on the back burner though and the "black sheep ( me) returned to the fold" around 1979 ,precisely for that blissful,anaesthetic effect and the feeling of hope.