You wrote regarding your fellow churchgoers:-

I feel they know that I am different anyway

This is a hard one to get over, but you are not different by virtue of having been a premie. You're just a person, like all the rest, with your own particular past and concerns. All the other people in the church have their own past and concerns, and some are probably feeling as disturbed about something in their lives, as you feel about yours. Being ordinary doesn't sound so great, but it kind of gets to be fun after a while, and it certainly helps not to carry the expectation on your shoulders from feeling that you have to live up to being special.

Oh, and that Rawat bloke? He's probably more disturbed than you are!

All the best,