What led me out, back in '01 was a combination of events in my life. First, I got into trouble by falling in love with someone who was way off limits. (I am married, just for starters.) Knowledge and going to Maharaji videos did not help in any way with this personal crisis. That was one factor. Then, I had very intense dreams with shamanic content, like, First Nations type shamans. And these, no doubt a product of my own psyche coming to my rescue, helped me out of my big forbidden relationship problems, where Knowledge was useless. Also, I had a series of dreams featuring me as not really myself: this was my unconscious getting fed up with being under the Maharaj, although I couldn't even think that while I was having these. That is the most taboo thought of them all in the premie world, that ANY critical thought could stray across your mind towards the Rawat. All this really effectively set me up for my ExPremies encounter on the Net.

There is a grace for leaving the cult. I know it. Like, after all these you might say anti-Maharaji dreams, I still didn't get the idea that maybe I should or could question the whole Premie thing. But what I did get was - like a good North American Consumer - an overruling impulse to buy a computer and get on the Net.

Like, in the old prachar days, we'd say, "Man, I was Ready for Knowledge." Well, in the early months of 2001 I was "Ready for Reality."

I was guided towards leaving. Or, if you hate the mystic approach, I didn't consciously have a clue what my subconscious was up to. That little thought just happened to cross the old mind, "Hey, you should check out that Jim Heller site (we were in the Ashram together). What was it called? Oh yeah, there it is, right on Google, next to the Divine site. They have some nerve, those exes."