Excellent post, well argued and heartfelt. You prove your own point when you write that ex-premies can allow the 'flood of reason' back in.

I don't think that a committed premie - believing that their salvation lies in Maharaji and that their mind is the doubtmaker, to be transcended in order to find the 'heart' - could ever write such a piece. In order to write a post like yours, you need to be willing to think for yourself, to follow where your own reason takes you, think clearly and feel deeply - a tall order for a premie believing in Maharaji's Grace, their need for it, and their own essential helplessness.

You write that I will 'readily admit that there was a pleasurable side to this whole thing'. Yes, in fact in order to keep my sanity I have to see the positive and the benefits from giving 30 years of my life to Maharaji. Obviously, if I had the choice, I would not spend the last 30 years following M, but the fact is that I did - the question now is: How to assimilate it and move on. In fact, lots of good things happened to me while I was with M, and I learnt a lot - but what I learnt was not quite what he was teaching.

Like with all experiences, the trick is to learn from them and move on, rather than circling and wallowing in them to no purpose.