Hi Cynthis,

I am going to try to respond...although I feel that my posts in this last thread (going back and reviewing them) were clear that I was talking  about a very specifiic thing and not the whole troll thread. That being said, reading your last post in this thread and Babalouji's it was very educational about an era I had no idea about. I can see why, going thru that (with the evil trolls ), there would be suspicion and doubt about any new poster until a level of trust was developed. But I also like the fact tha Lexy posted the forum guidelines on that topic, that say a person should err on the side of non-suspicion with a new poster when faced with the possibility.. I pretty much jumped into this current thread becasue of empathy for Lexy, because I felt I 'got' what she was saying, sensed her frustration and tried to rephrase it in another way so that maybe she would be understood. Maybe it was presumptuous of me but she said I was right on and she appreciated it...now that's over...

No!  There's no principal's office on F8 and you're not "going to get into trouble!  I'm sorry if you feel that way.

(That statement was a joke!)

I really thought you did feel comfortable and were going along well here, so it would help if you to give me some specific examples of and how you've been made to feel uncomfortable.  What's been said that makes you feel that way, for instance?  The reason I ask is because coming out of a cult, fresh as you are, you may be having feelings that are attributable to exiting that you may be projecting on us here.  But, maybe not, so tell me if I'm wrong. 

I do feel comfortable here to the degree that I feel comfortable in myself and my life. I know that I am not projecting any exiting feelings as I exited almost two years ago when I walked out of an event with M after 20 minutes. Then stopped meditating shortly after. Let me try to explain the two things going on.

This is a bit complex, because I first posted here under a different name and really opend myself up and spoke openly about leaving the cult and about my current beliefs etc. and I attributed some of my strength, growth and ability to walk away to other personal work I did that may be interpreted by some more dogmatic thinkers as "new age mumbo jumbo." I did not read any forum guidelines because I am a relatively nice and safe person and assumed it was going to talk about forum ettiquitte etc, so I did not know about trolls or the culture here etc. I was responded to by several who appreciated my point of view but rather immediately I got slammed by someone (or two) who were patronizing (wanting to counsel me not to get into any other new age stuff, using strong and condescending language). It was a wake up call to me that I was not in a totally safe environment. I even got a private message from another person who related to me and what I was talking about in a positive way but said they could not mention it on here because there were some who were very opposed to all "new age sounding" talk or beliefs. Hope that explains a bit of the history behind my statement.

I do believe that you're feeling this way, because you said so, but this is the first time you've said anything about it and so far, I thought you were doing well posting here, so please, help us out to understand.  There is no subtle message here that I'm aware of, in fact, just about all of the regular posters here are very out front, real people, who don't mince words with folks.

See my above paragraph as a response to this one too.

Quirky, sometimes us, here's that word again: "older exes" know each other so well that we speak to each other in ways that may seem cliquish or clubish because we do know each other so well that we're just used to each other. 

I understand that (and it has its charm) and I like getting to know the online personalities of those who hang in there with me when I post. It is like breaking into any community that has been together for a long time, it has its culture and barriers and wonderful times. I feel an afiinity for many reasons to Babalouji. I have also engaged both Paddy and NAR in back and forths and a few others who seem to be able to "hear" what I say after awhile and whom I have also attempted to understand their point of view. I am amazed, when reading the posts by everyone about the past troll experiences that you guys even feel comfortable letting anyone new post here!! Sounds like it was awful.

So, I'm really sorry if I've ignored you or made you feel left out because since you arrived here, I have liked you a lot and admired your courage in coming here.  I also think that your humor is great too.  If you can explain more what your struggle is, by all means, please do because I do want to understand it if you can be more specific.

Thanks, Cynthia. But, I don't feel ignored by you or anyone. I am not here to get attention or love. Thankfully I have that in abundance in my life now that I have exited and made space for all the good things. I don't expect to agree with everyone or be aggreed with by everyone. It would just be nice if people could think about the language they use in reponse to someone they may not agree with. In my non-virtual life, I make choices about who to hang with and who not to hang with based on how I feel around them...But I also think I can learn from confrontational encounters, look at myself and see if I can communicate better and try again. I am still in that stage and will be here as long as it serves a function in my processing. Then I may just keep lurking in the future as a guility pleasure!!