"years of waiting is crazy"But years of delusion is crazier Hussain. Do your research on the websites suggested in the introduction, especially www.ex-premie.org and www.mikefinch.com. Carefully consider whether pursuing knowledge is in your best interests.
Most of the people posting here got involved without access to the information you can get now and were not able to make the informed choice that you can. I sure would not have gotton involved if I had been given such information. After over 25 dedicated years in the cult, my life has never been better than it is now.
Have a good life,
Bunny