Thanks for that incredibly honest, thoughtful post, George.  From what I can see you are doing all the right things, the first and the most painful of which is being honest with yourself.  It's something to be admired.

I know it takes a while for the magical thinking to stop repeating itself.  You do something for that long, and you can't just stop because it continues to happen automatically, but I think the antidote to that is to take charge of your own thoughts and feelings, own them, look at them, and see yourself as worthy and valuable.

I remember after I left, I really didn't want much of a social life.  Of course, I had just moved out of the ashram and so I was craving privacy and being alone, becaue in the cult I almost never was.  For awhile, I just didn't think about it, and I let myself feel the anger and loss.  I went and saw a lot of French films.  For some reason they really helped.

I had heard that story about Mike, actually from Mike, I think.  It's all so strange.  It all seems so lacking in substance.  All those meaningless platitudes, the cult's cheesey style over substance in everything it does.  It makes me wonder what I ever saw in it, although if I'm honest with myself I can see why I stayed in for as long as I did.

Thanks also for the explanation on the UK gift system. 

All the best, George.  If you'd ever like to correspond, please feel free to private message.