1) I found myself caught up in the group emotion several times and did not like the feeling. But I just sat back and watched myself and tried to analyze it.

This happened to me, too.  I remember being at a big program and sitting in the back.  Maharaji got up and danced and the premies got into it and I just watched my own reactions.  For the first time, I felt like myself, and not part of the group, and from that moment on, it was over.  Granted, I had been feeling tinges of problems for a long time before that, but suddenly I got knocked out of the mindset somehow, and Maharaji just seemed odd and the premies like aliens.  But it wasn't a disturbing feeling, it was actually very reassuring, like I was getting my own self back.

2) M introduced the Keys videos and I did not like them. They were so boring and very controlling. At one point, he went through several mandates to those who were going to watch them. He shook his finger and talked in measured tones like he was talking to someone stupid, saying, Don't Be Curious!! Don't watch them out of sequence. Don't this and Don't that.

A few years ago, somebody gave me the video of something called the "Atlanta Training Event" at which  Maharaji was talking about how to do propagation.  But all I saw him do was scare the shit out of people.  He ranted about how you can't have concepts, and if you do, it's all over, and how premies' concepts had messed up everything in the past and you had to be so careful, etc.  It was so NEGATIVE.  The thought I had was consistent with so much I had seen about him.  He tells people there is this great experience, and then scares and tries to control the premies so much that propagation just isn't going to happen because nobody is going to dare to use individual initiative for fear of making a mistake and displeasing M.

He has done this over and over, ever since I can remember, and it's why nothing ever happens propagation-wise, despite all the strategies, new "phases" and technical gimmicks.  He seems to destroy even the possibility of people feeling excited about telling people about K, just because he's so negative and controlling.  Based on what you say, I doubt the "keys" will be any different.

So, welcome Kerry and all the best.  You sound very healthy and have thought it through, so good for you.