I'm wondering if it's you or Jon who has the "gotcha" grin your face.  Yes, I'm still up. I'll have a go at Jon's post. It's mostly unintelligible, but I definitely get what Jon's trying to do.  I'm very much looking forward to Neville's response, too.

You had dreamed up over many years a picture of a man; a picture that was artificial, unreal, immature, and convenient. You used this picture to counter-balance the normal doubts that arose from trying to practice Knowledge, i.e., experiencing 30 seconds of peace for every hour you meditated, and spending the rest of your day struggling with your thoughts. The Ideal you conjured up of a "Lord" gave you "answers" to your doubts, and allowed you to carry on running with the flock. No matter how strong those doubts got, your Ideal gave you assurance that you were in with the right flock, and you'd be okay.

Personally, I never had any "ideals" about Maharaji or Knowledge.  I never searched for a guru and I had not the slightest interest in eastern religions or philosphies.  I was an atheist.  I took everything Maharaji said quite literally. I didn't doubt him because it was his commandment for me to put all doubt out of my mind. And I never fell asleep when he spoke.  I was a fanatical premie. Hey, when I was an aspirant, in preparation for receiving knowledge, I would sit up one hour in the morning and one hour before bed, reading or listening on a tape, Maharaji's satsang. He had his agya and I followed it. When Maharaji speaks you obey. That's the way it is.  Don't tell me I'm wrong, because I worked for him. He says jump, premie says: how high.  I didn't look at myself as one of a flock.  I saw myself as one person who adored Maharaji.  Flock.  Is that supposed to be biblical?

I'll tell you a little DECA story.  When I was at the little Hialeah warehouse I answered the phones and Maharaji called every day, several times a day.  Once were were gearing up to move to the Complex, Maharaji came to give satsang to the 75 or so premies who did service there.  Jim Hession, the project director, was my boss.  Maharaji had told him (which Jim relayed first to me personally, an then in his satsang before Maharaji spoke to us) that he (Maharaji) considered the way I responded to him (Maharaji) the ideal way a premie -- especially a DECA premies -- should respond to Maharaji.  How did I respond when Maharaji called on the phone?  When he tolkd me who he wanted to speak with or what he wanted I said this:  "Yes, Maharaji. Right away, Maharaji! "  And I ran through that warehouse like the wind.  Maharaij really liked that.

So one day you stumble across a bunch of stuff a bunch of people put on a web page that, if true, was a serious challenge to your Ideal. Some of the points on these pages were based on fact and some were based on hearsay. The gaps between these points were connected with theory and suspicion. The picture formed was one that was the antithesis of your Ideal. And you started to believe it. And the more you believed it, the more it eroded the picture of your Ideal -- the thing you had always banked on to keep you in the game. Once the flood-gates began to open, it was a very short walk to abandoning Knowledge, and joining another flock: the ex-premies. And now you spend your time filling the hole left by having left Knowledge with the kind of bullocks you posted to me.

Like I said, I concluded that Maharaji is a cult leader and I was a cult member before I ever read EPO, and I never had any capital "I" ideal so to be challenged.  "The antithesis of your Ideal." LOL.  Don't you see how silly this whole post is?  Jon has taken a bunch of words, mixed them up with some (what he probably thinks are) fancy prose, and put a dash of satsang flavoring into it and there you have it:  A damned good rationalization for himself.  Not a challenge to me.  Neville can speak for himself.

So I ask again: What did you do that was so honest and moral? I'll tell you. You gave up your fantasy. Period. Well done! Thank goodness; it's about time. But I have news for you Neville. I gave up my fantasy long before most of the ex-premies posting here even got access to the www. But instead of losing my anchor, I discovered that my anchor was not an Ideal, but my experience of Knowledge. And as the fantasy eroded, I could not deny the truth that had been shown to me. When I sorted that, I rediscovered Maharaji, but this time the human being.

Oh, I get it.  When Maharaji was the Lord, he could do no wrong and if he did wrong (like humans do wrong) he was exempt from human standards because he was the Lord.  Now that Jon has brilliantly redisovered Prem Rawat, the human being, anything immoral or illegal he has done is even more excusable because he is a mere mortal man.  Wow. That's twisted.

And now I am left with gratitude. That another human being would give so much of himself so that I could know a most amazing and precious thing. Something that has indeed set me free.

Heavy, man.

So mate, can I ask you to please spare me the lectures on morality. And if honesty is what you want, then keep looking at yourself because I dare say, you probably have a ways to go.

Isn't "mate" a word that people from the UK or downunder use to mean friend?  The last sentence just calling Neville a liar.