20 years ago few premies even knew of Maharaji's drinking and smoking habits, many probably still thought he was a vegetarian. Oh, and a good, faithful family man too. Over time, those concepts have been slowly eroded with an acceptance that has sometimes spilled over into shaping their own habits.

Years ago, I used to wonder why some of Maharaji's personal/residence staff were capable of being particulary abusive towards other premies. 'The wettest logs need to be closest to the fire' I used to think. It should have been obvious, but it took accounts like yours years later for me to realise the real reason. Their exposure to Maharaji's own disfunctional behaviour had set the norm.

Acceptance of Maharaji's personal habits is one thing - that is the Lord just being human after all. However, accepting that he is an abusive and disfunctional Lord is another paradym entirely. Few premies are exposed to Maharaji's private behaviour and those that do either accept it, or are often too scared to speak out. I had accepted his drinking and mistress for years before it was more widely known, though I was uncomfortable with the charade of the latter. My major drip was Maharaji's sexual abuse of other women. These are the things that are still not widely known or believed.

My heart goes out to premies I know like 'Neal'. There are hundreds of loving, dedicated premies from the old brigade. 56 or older, reaching retirement with little or nothing saved towards it, having dedicated their love, energy and money towards following and supporting a perfect trickster for the last thirty years.

Some of those premies are much too afraid to visit this forum or EPO. Those that have the courage or curiosity to do so, have a chance to read accounts like yours and enjoy freedom in their later years. I know myself what a painful walk to freedom it is and how confronting to realise what a big mistake you can have made for (in my case) a quarter of a century.

No wonder some choose not to make the walk but prefer to stay in their ignorance and believe EV's hate-group lies instead. I am so glad I made that walk. Thanks to everyone who has had the courage to speak out and again to those who have made the forums and EPO possible.