I had bananas on my mind yesterday and the day before.  the end of a bunch that was well and truly ripe and needed to be cooked.  I had other stuff to do and I couldn't get to them and finally I did.  Do I need this much banana ice cream no of course I don't but it wasn't just wanting to use them up, it was the quest to make a caramelised banana ice cream.   My first batch had the taste and the chewiness of the caramel was a bonus but overall the consistency had suffered, the banana hadn't entirely disintegrated.  so I was consumed with thoughts while doing other things.  I had been thinking of intensifying the banana flavour through desiccation now I was thinking of how to keep them soft and still fry them.  I added more lime juice, into the sugar as it melted, over the bananas as they went in.  more salt and sugar to balance.  less butter more cream less milk more of that finely ground herb cooked into the butter.   Instead of halving and frying both sides I chopped and squished the bananas and cosseted them in the caramel sauce.  it's got a silky feel again.  so I have high hopes it will make good ice cream.

what were we talking about, do I sound unhinged?

I'm not, I promise you.  I have my feet very firmly on the ground and my brain works well with a cool easy running.  and I value that, it wasn't always this way, I got quite distressed in my 40's trying to understand what was happening to me and looking back what I have to say is that getting religion put me in the swamp. and marrying someone in denial, as I accepted more and more false information, slowly it cut the ground out from under my feet.

I remember the time I consciously recognised I had lost ground and that it was dangerous and thinking I must make an effort to regain ground and it happened quite quickly really.

easy for me to speak.  distressing as it was, I was only being affected by another. recovery is a simple act of homeostasis.  what about being born like that, already subject to that distress, and what about the ongoing effects in our evolutionary path.