When my mother had a stroke and ended up back home in a wheelchair he just loved it, she was like a baby, wide open, trusting and unable to move away from him, he was triumphant. Plus he got community pats on the back.
He was very possessive, chasing his children away and even following her into the bathroom when the community nurse came to bathe her. That was his undoing - the nurse started locking the door against him and talking with my mum and slowly she realised how much he was bullying her.
He was very attentive. If he not been so ignorant of her he would have made an excellent carer but he didn't actually care about her or her needs at all. he was the same with me growing up and he was no better with his sons. It was like we didn't show up on his reality map other than as tools for his use.
He never accessed or expressed a father's love for his children - it was there in him whether he liked it or not, and he didn't like it - it wasn't until he lay dying and his will power could not control his limbs that his limbs were able to move into wanting to hug me.
