was set to be a cracker. We had a huge almost level field where the wheat harvest had been taken, and it was close to the sewage works, so the lorries took less than 5 minutes to get to the field. It looked like we would be in for a great bonus.
Even better, once we started, we found the field was so baked hard that we didn't need to do the usual rigmarole of emptying the lorries into a holding tank, and using tractors and trailers to empty the tank. The lorries were able to drive right onto the field and spread the sewage themselves.
My job that day was driving the tractor with the harrow, to bury the sludge as soon as it hit the ground. Unfortunately, I found that lowering the harrow lifted the back wheels of the tractor enough that the sludge on top of the baked ground gave no grip. I couldn't do the job. And then, there was a pool of sludge forming by the gateway and the lorries were skidding themselves and getting stuck. I had to give up my unsuccessful efforts at harrowing, and instead pull the lorries out of the sludge. The lake was getting deeper.
Usually, going to hitch up to a lorry, I drove slowly, because it was so slippery. I decided that if I used the harrow at high speed like a parachute, I'd be able to stop quickly, so to put the frighteners onto one of the drivers, I headed towards him at full speed, and dropped the harrow at the last moment. I didn't stop as suddenly as expected. Instead, what happened was the due to the speed of the tractor, the harrow was able to break through the baked crust of the ground, and I found myself ploughing at 25 mph. Luckily, the tractor did stop when I took my foot off the accelerator, and I was able to avoid hitting the lorry.
So my new technique to ploughing the sludge in was to get up to top speed in top gear on a dry bit of field, then drop the harrow when I hit the sludge. The effect was dramatic. I was ploughing at top speed instead of the usual crawl. Shit and earth flew up 15-20 feet high behind me (mostly, some landed on the tractor somehow). I remember doing the edge of the field, and overtaking an old couple driving along the lane, with my spectacular plume of sludge rising up behind me.
We got the whole field done and were set for a huge bonus. The boss showed up at the end with the cash. He was astonished at the state of my tractor - covered in shit except where I'd used the screen wipers, and the exhaust manifold was glowing bright red. The boss decided we couldn't have the bonus we'd earned, or the company would insist on changing the bonus scheme. Still we were paid very well, and it was a great end to my shit career.
