All of what you said I can totally relate to... at the moment i find it kind of hilarious. 

The mode of consciousness attributed to the Tarot card The Devil is Mirth. Now I know why. Once you see the falsity from a distance, with your heart intact and your ability to appreciate beauty expanding, the fakery looks funny- if not tragic.

it made me laugh to read it because I never thought of that at the time - if he has 6 million followers then there must be about 6 billion people who don't believe he's the Lord.  why didn't I think of them, it's a much bigger number!