Whatever it was, chronic fatigue, "mononucleosis" and DECA symptoms were common and seemingly synonymous. Actually, ashram food was about the only thing I can't criticize about the ashrams. That's not to say it made-up for the poverty, chronic illness, relentless stress, grueling schedule, sleep deprivation, exploitation and that other one I won't mention.

I can't remember our food budgets, but suffice it to say they were as little as possible. What I remember most about the budgets was filling out monthly AMP (Active Membership Program) forms and sending the mandatory 15% (plus an extra 5% for GMJ) checks to DLM. I remember because I was scolded harshly one day for thinkihng about cutting back on the extra 5% to GMJ.

Why would I dare think such a thing? Because with a bunch of low paying disposable jobs, we didn't have nearly enough money to pay for festival travel and accomodations, rent, necessary medical/dental/vision emergencies, one or two cars, exhobitant telephone bills, utilities and especially heating oil. Food, clothing and toiletries were at the bottom of the list.

Flowers came from funeral homes.

Most ashrams were deeply and chronically in debt. In early 1977, when I became treasurer for the Sewall Ave. ashram in Boston with thirty-three premies, I was handed a grocery bag full of unopened bills. It totaled nearly $60,000! In many cases, as in ours, the debt was divided as evenly as possible and given to individual premies to take with them when the ashrams closed. After all that, many ashram premes had to start from scratch already in debt.

Toiletries were mostly communal and also included in the food budget. All I remember about clothes was handing out a few dollars every now and then for socks and underwear. Except, of course, when I took mahatmas and initiators to the best department stores. (Two silk blouses for a particular Indian mahatma who kept telling me what a good devotee I was.)

We were so poor in the last year that we couldn't afford heating oil. We had to heat with a pot belly coal stove, a bunch of space heaters and tons of blankets. A lot of colds from weakened immune systems, in part because of stress from the uncertainty and monotony we languished in that year.

Did I ever mention that the ashrams were hell holes?