Steve Hassan says that quite often, the people who survive coming out of a cult often end up being much stronger individuals than than those who never considered such an outrageously ridiculous thing (!) and afterwards, are invariably able to cope with life in ways others cannot. I guess he's qualified. I must confess, at the risk of sounding conceited, I think we do deserve a few pats on the back here. As a tiny example, just this morning I was having a conversation with a middle aged lady (like myself) who is stuck in a controlling dynamic with her ex & father of her child. I listened to her stories and thought silently to myself, wow I have been through this, dealt with it and am now thriving despite it. Upon reflection, that uninvited 18-month crash course, decorated with therapy, near-madness and despair was very far from in vein. It gave me the opportunity to slay the demons, the ones before the cult's sticking-plaster and the ones waiting at the door when I left (who had grown horns.) "Lets avvit!" I screamed at them eventually, just before they lost their power and scurried off to somewhere insignificant (hopefully not the subconscious :D) The crappy, as you say, 'excruciating' post-exit nightmare actually ended up healing some of my deepest, oldest wounds. Every cloud and all that. 

Swans and frogs! Story of my life...everyones life maybe? I'd rather see what's really there than live in a facade but then, isn't it all subjective perception in the end? Truly, I have no idea, none. Best enjoy the ride while it lasts - somehow!

Good to connect - 3 jobs, raising my son, starting a degree in 2 weeks (full time) life is so busy..but I am so glad I can return here. It is very grounding. In October I will be 5 years out. I may open that champagne I've been saving.

Love X