"...seeing Rawat on stage and the contempt he was feeling was palpable.  Well what else could he feel looking at the sea of premies - grown adults sticking their fingers in their face just like he told them to."

"Being ordinary was too much for him."  

Being Accepting myself as ordinary (perhaps less so because most people weren't so vulnerable and susceptible) was one of my cult recovery goals.  It sounds strange -- when was I ever not ordinary -- but the superiority complex cast upon me by Rawat and reinforced by premie culture, the sense of being most fortunate, special, chosen, different, "I have wisdom!", etc., tainted every last one of my relationships.  In the end, my duplicity, double life and disingenuous-ness -- masquerading to fit in with not knowers -- nauseated me.