Dear Mike,
Thank you for responding so richly, I had to read your post a few times it moved me so deeply that my tears kept getting in the way.
The letter excerpt about the death of your father is so beautiful. It should be published, and I'm honored that you shared it with me and us. "Amazing, horrible, glorious, tragic and ecstatic" indeed. It's what I call 'death, done right.' What a gift, to 'go' in your own bed, with your son right in your face squeezing the last drops of laughter out of you...and to say good bye. I hope I can give that to my mom when the time comes for me to be brave.
I too, am becoming more tolerant of delusions about universal nature and afterlife, especially the people for whom Heaven and Hell are so very real. My catholic 'aunt' is one of the best people on this planet, and after years of telling her that, I recently blurted out, 'you are definitely going to Heaven' and I finally felt heard. That is what she related to as the best way to express love and gratitude.
I was just thinking that the DLM would have had some kind of story about death, but your recollections are right in line with what I found too...not much. And his flippant comment about asking Pan Am...what a fucking jerk. He was so mean to such sincere people, I (we) can think of fifty ways to answer such a question with kindness and peace. Or, you know, a sincere I don't know...but I imagine the guru probably never said such an honest sentence in his life.
But you all do!! I can't thank you enough Mike for everything else...I feel your warmth, that poem is stunning, healing...
I know my dad wanted happiness for me, thanks for reminding me. Easy to forget. I look for joy in very small things and I do experience happiness from time to time
. But Life wants me to understand suicide. It's constantly thrown in my face, and I'm here to make sense of a non sensical thing. My Dads, was just the first of many in my life...all men. Six of them. And those are the close ones...many more through acquaintances. I've yet to hear of another suicide done with a picture of anyone, let alone a spiritual figure head. I haven't gone looking either, I'm sure there out there...but it speaks to the level of the twisted nature of a dark mind...especially one that's been numb for a decade by blind devotion and forced bliss.
And when I read your post, it did seem like hyperbole at first, but then something about it seemed a bit deeper and like I said...got to wondering again...what story was he convinced of...maybe I missed something along the way like an unspoken yet widely accepted afterlife thing. So, I appreciate the clarification on the unclear.
I hope you're doing ok with losing your dad...not missing your arguments too much
Love, Genny
