relishing time spent
Re: The mystery of relishing time in the ashram. -- lexy Top of thread Post Reply Forum
Posted by:
roark ®

07/15/2017, 15:18:11
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Lexy, I am sorry you had such a miserable time.

It occurred to me that there are several salient drivers of what we experienced at the hands of GMJ/K world, and that the expectations we came with and our life experience
prior to GMJ determined so much of what we experienced and how long we hung in there as well as how we now
see it.  Our approaches obviously varied
from person to person. 

Here’s a shot at defining some of the key drivers and over-simplified descriptions of what might be extreme versions of each:

1.      
Desperation Level:  There were those that were
feeling pretty desperate and alienated, maybe doing too much in the way of
drugs and/or alcohol, had near-death experiences, were frightened of our
prospects and not too settled in life. 
Then there were those pretty happy, healthy folks.  To the desperate, it was a way out, and to
the healthy, maybe it seemed like a cool idea, dropped their guard to believe in
a guru or maybe were drawn by the humanitarian angle.

2.      
Place-in-life:  Some had great careers, a good education or were
still in school, were well–off and on a creative track.  Some were floating on the surface, without
interesting prospects, not particularly engaged, had no money or not
interested, without much ambition and such. 
Some gave up a lot and some not all that much.

3.      
Family life:  Some were part of close-knit
families and/or had families of their own that they gave up most or all
of.  Some were not particularly engaged in
or even at odds with their families, and had no compelling relationships.

4.      
Avatar-friendliness:  At one extreme, there were those that saw
GMJ/K (“it”) as a new religion, with a new and improved god-man avatar to follow
unquestioningly that would deliver salvation.  At the other end of the spectrum, that perhaps here was a spiritual practice that provided a methodology to go
deeper into understanding oneself and what the hell is going on.

5.      
Psycho-baggage:
 Some had deeply–held religious beliefs, unresolved
problems from crappy family lives, the tendency to be a perpetual victim and empower others with their welfare, and other troubling psychological issues that
fueled a compelling neediness.  Others
had grown up with good family dynamics, were pretty non-complexed, had the
ability for clear and objective thinking, took responsibility for themselves and were generally pretty healthy.

6.      
Jail Time:
 Some got in and then left the cult fairly quickly,
within say ten years. Some got stuck for decades, say forty.

7.      
Nepotism:
 Some had family members, spouses and/or
good friends that were involved and influenced them to participate, and others
did not.  Some had marriages and deep
friendships that would influence them to continue to participate, and at the
other end of the spectrum some had strong input and support from loved-ones to
leave.

I bet that we could almost come up with an algorithm that
shows, based on gradients of the above factors, the degree of fun or despair we
experienced there, how long it took to get away and also how difficult it’s
been to deprogram and move on.  I also
bet that our expectations for how glorious he was and how much we trusted and adored
him is almost directly proportionate to how much we might now hate him, and
so on.

For me, oddly enough, my meditation actually became a key
practice that allowed me to recognize the bullshit (you may have to trust me on
this one, LOL).

Interesting that I pretty much had a great time, and you
‘lost your soul’ (although I am not sure how that actually happens and what
that might actually mean, especially I am not sure what the word ‘soul’ really means).  Would you please explain that one to me?

I also remember the last program I attended, and how
sickened I was by the combination of syrupy, slo-mo darshan videos coupled with
underlying major-chord devotional music as an obvious nod to feel-good brain-washing
with “you are my everything”-sort lyrics.

The oppressive dynamic of devaluing us and what we were
capable of was a real double-whammy, and I recall was very hard for me to
transcend.  I was actually really shocked
when I started to have success in business, and shocked by the emerging idea that
the universe would work with me! instead of reducing me to a heap of rotting vegetables
(although am pretty sure I remain an unlit match and at least I have that to
look forward to, maybe at the moment of death??).  But there was absolutely this baked-in concept
under his leadership that our lot was to just be damn grateful to have someone amazing
and doing great things in our lives, in lieu of being amazing and doing great
things ourselves.  Or, to have the
freedom of dropping the insidious need for all that amazingness and greatness
stuff.

But I recall I had a lot of fun, silly me.

M







Modified by roark at Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 15:40:14

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