Who knows if there is a right way above manners on this forum? I think it's good that it has existed so long and continues to go on strongly with all the various views and manners being the guideline.

Sometimes I feel like I am writing my own therapy blog to myself. It helps that it is not entirely to myself though, greatly, especially because i can gain perspective from others experiences.

I also tend to try to not hold grudges myself and be fascinated with the fact that things actually exist the way they do rather than try leave it in the bag of right or wrong and be satisfied with apportioning blame

For no other reason than it simply feels better to me

Here on the other side of the cult I see myself choosing paths like that, realising why, at the same time not hiding behind some illusion of invulnerability that I had somehow invented for myself in the cult.

I never met Marolyn but I always liked her somehow, sometimes more than PR himself.

Any speculation I might have about how much control, choice, free will she exercises in the matters of her cult involvement and the perks and challenges of that, is pretty much a reflection upon my own strategies through the cult stuff as well as relationships, along with my own patterns and culture around those things, i never knew her, only me

It's more interesting to go there and come out the other side on that basis than to suspend judgement at this stage for me

Partly because that standing on the sidelines, suspending judgement stance was something I practised plenty of in the cult. I usually circle back around to there once I've felt it all 

Nowadays I try to let my emotions come and change the beach and wash the sand out and back again, perhaps with a fresh understanding, rather that not allow things to surface by judging the content of the emotions.

Getting through the subjugation phase I guess.

Keep posting your viewpoint, it is refreshing

And yes, I too am glad you're ok