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| Re: Altered states |  | ||
| Re: Re: Prem Rawat, Raja Ji, Jagdeo and Fakiranand... -- Cynthia | Top of thread | Post Reply | Forum |
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" Living is for being around other people and enjoying planet Earth " ...um ...am not sure what living is for. And yes sometimes it is nice to be around other people and the planet is enjoyable. And sometimes not. Reading your post I felt that I had managed to upset you, which certainly was not my intention. Maybe stating this old story felt old. Shortly though after reading, something cleared up very clear about my long involvment in this cult. Cause sometimes yes I wonder how stupid I could have been. Yes something is very very clear. I did it for those altered states, those times of respite in my terrible life, locked in a terrible marriage ( followed by likewise divorce ), with small children to take care of, and no support, no money, no family. I did it because it felt like saving me. Offering something which I did believe to be beautiful. Which gave me hope against my backdrop of personal suicidal desperation sadness utter demolition lack of support. Life is for being around people...I grew up around people and by the age of 18,when self talking to myself, would often repeat that even if I was offered millions I would never accept to be born again. Thats is how nice it was to live around those people. Raped and mistreated. Threatened. Some have the chance to grow up to loving parents. Some circumstances are indeed very very grim. Anyway yes sometimes too often even I have been limping rather than walking happily. And it is hard work. I have been traveling for the past 10 years of my life. Am a nomad. Precisely to be around people and because I cant stand settling. I do understand you had/have an aversion to meditation. Especially the type R spreaded. Those techniques are not developing awareness. They are more indeed prone to induce self hypnosis and inner trances. I am aware some premies did not like to meditate. I did. It is hard for me to know what would have happened if I did not have this whole deal to keep me sedated. Would have I become more intelligent and seek real help and read into subjects like abuse earlier and try getting out of it? Would have I killed myself? Taken to drugs or drinking? Look am not making an apology here that this scam saved my life. It did not. Because my life did not get better. In fact the negative forces at play kept rolling. And did materialize. It was excruciatingly painful. And the good and the beautiful my existence was given, I do not attribute to R! I loved my children. And still do. That was it. None of the " friends " i had then remained friends. In fact there were never friends, but more like playmates in this crazy environment. Yes I do enjoy reading in this forum. It is still feel amazing that playmates in this crazy play, even if I do not knew them personally, are out now and talking about it all. I read again last night the whole thread which welcomed my arrival here and woah! I was stunned. So thank you and my humble apology if I rubbed you the wrong way with my altered states  Modified by Inis at Fri, Jun 09, 2017, 21:42:41 |
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