When I started writing my doubts, it was as the result of the contradictions I heard him speak.

On one hand telling us we should live a balanced life and on the other making us do crazy stuff. Like traveling after him.

I dont remember his exact words. But clearly there were huge contradictions.

And I could see what state my life was in. A total wreckage. 

I really mean that. Integral wreckage!

Now considering I was a "good girl" following his directives, how did I end up in such a mess?!

I do believe the intensity of that wreckage propelled me to question.