I suppose in prayer i acknowledge a superior power. I remind myself of the daily fact that there are things I can't change. 

events I have no power over. I remind myself that MY reactions to all the events of the coming day will have an impact. I remind myself to honour my inner being. to be humble and also trusting in the natural course of things, patience. I remind myself to trust. I ask for inner guidance. At one point  I pray for many different people, starting with my family and any one who has come to me and shared their troubles with me.  At this point I am doing an experiment. I have chosen to pray for my parents as individuals for 4 months, every day. Doesn't matter that they're dead. I pray for blessings and forgiveness for them and for us and for me.  I am doing this experiment out of an inner guidance that came to me about 2 weeks ago. I will see whether by september I am still carrying the same baggage from there. I would be really so happy if life turned out to be that simple. There's an irrepressible part of me that is an eternal optimist, that thinks if i got the message to do it then it's entirely possible that is exactly what i need. whats the alternative? not listen to myself? I had a lot of training with that with rawat.  

 I have included one family member , also deceased who i hate. It is much harder to pray for him. I try. I didn't get inner guidance for that. I simply included him because it is hard, because I'm not ready to forgive, some days I forget

I don't pray for rawat but I do pray for all you lot and all his premies, with special mention for OTS as of this morning. Some days the list is long. But it doesn't matter, I gain perspective. And I understand my vulnerability and my strength. I remind myself to be grateful. I acknowledge the existence of the miraculous and vast creation of which I am a part.

As the time has gone on and I have made a routine out of it, 10 minutes- twice a day, almost like affirmations, or at least in the way that they work. I find my point of "I" has deepened. 

There is more of Me present now when I address God. It's hard to say exactly what is different from when I was involved in the cult but it is best described as the way i feel in my body. I have never been all that great at staying on the ground. I have the flight part of the PTSD down pat, also amazingly skilled at freeze, disassociation they call it, I used to like it, had to be told be a psychologist that no it's actually not a good thing, I have been kicking "freeze's" butt out the door lately and refusing to shut up if I am expected to.refusing to switch off or become afraid

I haven't had any real problems with freeze symptoms for a while now when i think about it. It would happen all the time while I was in the cult. I'm pretty sure meditation did not help me in that regard. 

As far as fight goes, I have recently been misconstrued as fighting when in all honesty i was simply stating my case. I have very little real fight history but what there is of it is fairly legendary and it turns out I pull no punches and it's lucky I don't own any weapons.

So as far as therapy for this particular manifestation of PTSD goes, Suzy style, prayers work well. A routine, something I find really hard to implement in any other sphere of my life except spiritually. Even just that , One routine to embrace -helps me. 

 Also an active role in the 'meditation' a speaking aloud of a self affirming statement and an entrusting of problems, mine and others, to a higher knowing.  An affirming of faith in a divine plan. If you guys don't need that, not to worry. I do however, and I know I do.

Mental illness is not an option. There have been times I've had to remind myself of that.

I choose what i need from what's left on the table. Even though in the past there have been times when i have felt like overturning that table. But I don't trust the proud independent side of myself to carry me through every kind of day I find myself living. I know there will be ups and downs. So I steady my boat with my daily affirming God prayers. As time goes on I feel my point of I becoming more soulful.