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Hi everybody. Been reading here again for the past few weeks. Good to hear old friends, and to see more people coming out of the mire, or maya. I keep hoping to find that "it's all over". Apparently not yet. OK, so sounds like the premies I was jealous of for their proximity to the ji were not in fact having blissful darshan - were actually suffering intensely, often with self-doubt, self-flagellation and fear. I think those of us on the outside wanted to hear as much as possible about that inside world, get a glimpse of the glow. Really, not even a glimmer? Anything that was good we created and enabled. The power of suggestion, intention. But what about the love within? I came to knowledge because of my spiritual leanings. Like Listener, I was out for a few years and returned. The premie house in Boston was breaking up, my mom had terminal cancer, and I intended to continue my involvement back in NYC. 1977 and I went to satsang and events but there was little relief in knowledge for the grief I was experiencing, and the community was unfriendly. Yeah, his devotees were not recognized by their love of one another. Notwithstanding, I held on and continued practice; meditation was ok, got married, had a baby. This was the 1980's and I didn't hear that we were supposed to get rid of the worship-related media so I didn't. Anyway that was ridiculous as we all know without devotion, what could possibly be the point? Had to chase the darshan. Years later in Dunnellon and Clearwater FL I was happy to do intro programs at local libraries and had been a financial supporter for most of the time. I worked with a Jehovah Witness and they are very patient and feel it is their service to save you, so over the next several years I had bible study just for me! with 3 different people and I enjoyed learning and engaging in purposeful discussions. Such set the stage to go our ex-premie website. Sadly, no one praises God in my circle of influence. When the JW's really started pressuring me to join and I tuned in to the hearings on child abuse, and what the forbidden history of the witnesses is, what the ex's were saying, I also tried to tell them, and they weren't allowed to listen to me. Born into Judaica, studied Eastern religions before the ji, then Christianity afterwards. I don't agree that praying to God is necessarily switching one illusion for another. The jury is still out on that one. Despite all the hypocrisy, mindlessness, and evil in organized religions, cults, etc. - inspiration and appreciation can be felt within, where it has always been.
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