I remember it well. It's about to happen! on edge somehow every time. Beige AND on edge! perfect soap opera BS. I even dressed the part. There was an undercurrent of fashion that had 'conference' and 'delegate' written all over it. Definitely not cult member I don't think I wore my cult garb many other places.

We ARE the smart ones, we're already here. Whew at least I made the effort! Against all odds...

God forgive me

( my mum was dying, my husband was leaving me and the whole family needed me) no joke

Looking back I think I was really incredibly selfish and dumb and cut off from my real emotions to the point of numb. i sure drank the kool aid. 

Lucky me though. The epiphany happened already.

 I don't need him or his fake knowledge.

 Never did.

Sometimes I think I'd quite like the informal kind of darshan now, you know, pass the poisonous dwarf in the street , spit on his feet and (thank you monty python) fart in his general direction