Welcome dannyxg

I remember being so shocked and pissed that he was still doing this thing when I first started posting too...couple years ago.  I hadn't thought about him in a long time, cause every time I did I'd get pulled into a black hole of obsession and lose days reading shit about him, and then of other cults and all the things we get stuck on from that world.  I was researching my past trying to put together a book and took a small break to look for a specific book by an author from the astrology world...nothing cult related whatsoever...I typed in the name 'Brezsny', and my screen filled up with books by and about the guru.  I couldn't believe it...knew life was wanting me to look deeper at him.

The good news, I also found Mike Finch's "Without The Guru" and AJW's "The Nazis, The Hippies, The Guru, and Bonzo The Lost Dog"...and then ultimately EPO again.  Thank god cause it's the people here on this fine site that saved me as I fell down the rabbit hole of obsession again, and found the well of rage for him that I didn't know I had.  I couldn't believe he was still touring n stuff...wanted to take it all down.  Same thing when I discovered "Chris and Daya" and the bullshit praise their 'music' was getting from premies...I was hellbent on finding a way to offer up a "real review" and rip them to shreds.  I never did.  Instead, I came here.  I'm so glad you did too.

EPO is the only place that really gets it...all the stages as philareflection mentioned...and the branches like me, too.  I'm not ex ing, but I do hate that fucker more than anyone besides EPO could possibly understand.  And coming here has helped me cope with it better than I ever thought I could.  

I'm delighted that 'new' people keep coming, it's evidence of how necessary this site is, and how healing...and I'm forever grateful that people will still come here years after their own ordeal because we need them .

I thought I'd look back at my first posts...see if I feel the same way...not completely.  I think I'm a bit of a drama queen...embarrassing...but my rage was so raw and everyone here really understood that...forever grateful as I said.  

My letter to him still stands though, it will definitely make the book with some kind of addendum probably...I thought I'd re post it here for newcomers to get why I hate him so, why my situation is a little different, and why I so admire ALL of you for being here and moving away from your trappings.  If you're not comfortable with your anger towards him, let me carry it for you.  Keep sharing your stories!  It's so great to learn how other people heal, and I love to hear about how awful he really is.  Fuck him.  Cheers to you!

Genny

***

The Soul Sucking Black Hole that is The Guru

Dear...um...?...?...I don't know...whateverthefuckyoucallyourselfthesedays,

You have so many names that I can barely keep them straight and I'm not at all sure what I should call you.  "Sir" sounds ridiculous.  Does one have to be a Premie to call you "Master"?  That's ok, I would never call you that anyway.  Considering the fact that you're a kind of a big player in my life, I should probably just call you Prem.  Doesn't feel right...we're not that close, and Prem also means Love...nope, can't do it.  Mr. Rawat...maybe...also doesn't feel right...it would be proper, your sur name with a formal header...feels too respectful, Mr. Rawat...but it does feel better than Perfect Master or Lord Of The Universe.  Your critics called you out on those incarnations long ago, and you no longer answer to them.  Publicly that is.  Many people around the world still think of you that way, just look at any recent book review (yep, I said recent, you're still putting out old speeches as new insight?).  Your devotees are an amazing bunch, with a secret service or hive mentality that altruistically swarms around you...unbelievably effective still.  They don't seem to mind sounding like idiots on your behalf or in your defense.  Every five star book review you've ever received is in the voice of worship and devotion, not intellectual literary praise...those go in the one star category as you know.  Your hive has no idea anymore, how to use their own voices, or even where to find them, and they somehow still believe your proclamation that "Not even a leaf moves a millimeter without Maharaji's wish" and everything you touch turns to love.  Well...not everything.

And that's who you were when I first met you.  Guru Maharaj Ji...Lord of the Universe and Perfect Master...or was it just Satguru then?...I'll have to check, I can't keep it all straight...ok, yes, according to "Who is Guru Maharaj Ji?", title of Lord of the Universe was already in play.  (Yes, I still have a copy, you didn't manage to burn all of them!). You were 14 or 15 years old, I was about 3.  My parents were in their early twenties and helped you establish your Divine Light Mission Headquarters at 1560 Race St. here in Denver, Colorado.  (Which is now falling apart and dark and ugly...it will cost the new owners millions to restore it).  I can still taste the Indian treats that your servants threw off the rose covered chariot as they carried you right by me at one of the Festivals.  I was up on my dad's shoulders in the middle of all the excitement...we were supposed to try and kiss your feet...I just wanted the candy and roses...'kiss his feet?...EW!'  My parents loved you.  I assume I did too just because they did...I don't remember ever loving you.  But it would make sense that I did...I did everything my mom did...including leaving you.  My dad stayed.  You managed to convince him that you needed his love more than I did.  What kind of spiritual master tries to cut the divine chord between father and daughter, I wonder.  Greedy soul.  But really, that's between you and your Maker.  I think you should be prepared to hear (actual) divine laughter when you get there, and to be sent back in soul school a few levels...and, well, you're familiar with Karma, right?

But I digress...as you often make me do...where was I?  Oh yes...what to call you.  You abandoned the name and incarnation of God as fast as you abandoned your mission and your people when you were called out as a cult leader.  What the hell were they supposed to do?  How could they possibly find God without Guru?  We all know that's not possible, right?  How could you?  Don't answer that...I don't care...I just need to know what to call you...so many names to choose from.  I looked for you occasionally throughout the years.  Any time I found myself in a metaphysical bookstore or spiritual fair..."Anyone ever heard of Guru Maharaji or the Divine Light Mission"?  No one ever had.  One time, in my favorite little bookstore in Durango, Aquarius Adventure, the "man to ask" never heard of you either.  Only he, so typically of people with self perceived power, decided to make me feel like the stupid one, when he's the one who didn't know what the fuck I was talking about..."That's not even a real name...it's a title in Hindu culture, and you're not saying it right".   He tried to school me on his vast knowledge of Hinduism...thanks, but no thanks, I'm good.  (As you know, he was referring to the title "Maharaja", for Hindu Prince, or Indian royalty line from a King...anyway, that's not you, and not what I said...I said it the same way I've been saying it since I was three...looking for information on Eastern born cults, not Indian Culture.  Without even being there you caused bad feelings...so powerful you are).  And then...aaaaahhhhhh...the Internet Happened!  You were and are all over it with all your names attached...what to call you, what to call you...so many to choose from.

Prem Pal Singh Rawat

Boy God

Balyogeshwar

Satguru                                           } Divine Light Mission.......Mahatmas.....Devotees

Guru Maharaji Ji

Guru Maharaji

M

Greater than God, it's common sense

Perfect Master

Lord Of The Universe

~ This was all by age 8, even I can see that it wasn't all your fault, the adults in your life failed you miserably.

***

Maharaji

Prem Rawat           } still divine, Elav Vital.........Initiators.......initiates /followers /aspirants

M

***

No longer Divine...how did it feel when God left your body?

Pedophile harboring...swept under Divine rug, as if they have the power to hide anything from the real God...for spiritual masters, they're pretty fucking stupid if you ask me...same goes for the hit and run murder that was covered up for you...yeah, even I can hear the divine laughter now...can't you?  Is that why you're always smiling?  You do know the difference between being laughed with and laughed at, don't you?

Prem Rawat...lowly human...publicly anyway

Motivational Speaker                           } TPWF......WOPG..........instructors.....students

Ambassador of Peace

Gifted poet, musician, artist, and pilot too

 

In very private, very expensive, and very still ridiculous ceremonies, however, some...if they have enough money to gift you with, may still "receive darshan".  Unfuckingbelievable.  That you would do it still, and that they would want you to...in private you're still god?...divine, raucous laughter!!...you should be prepared.

The Prem Rawat Foundation

Words Of Peace Global

Peace Is Possible NC    } Tip of the Iceberg...all leading to "The Keys", the new mahatma

One Reality dot net                                          (the keys that are free, free for $15.00)

~ interesting use of the word 'reality' ~

Rawat Creations ~ this is one of my favorites...for $1000.000 one can buy a photograph of smoke or a water drop with your signature and official seal...wow!

***

Thank God I found the Ex~Premie website before I found any of yours.  I really needed a heavy dose of the truth before I could stomach any of the bullshit your hive has put out for you.  I really wonder if you've actually seen and approved any of it...if so, god, I'm really left to question your IQ, it's that bad and you should be on that shit if you want to look smarter or "gifted" in the eyes of the general public...defective as we are.  They're not doing a very good job of controlling the internet for you either, though they try.  One server will say that the ex~premie site is forbidden, while another will list your approved sites with the most vulgar and explicit porn ads running right next to them...come on premies, get it together!

Despite you, My life has been one amazing and beautiful spiritual journey after another.  My relationship with the Divine is far more profound and true than anything you ever gave me...and I found it all by myself...including an awesome capacity for forgiveness.  Except when it comes to you.  This has really bothered me over the years...why can't I just forget about you?  I have first hand "Knowledge" of the Damage you've caused on a personal level, but I honestly believe Abrahamic Religions have done more damage on the Whole than you ever did.  You're fairly insignificant to the world on the whole anymore (sorry that your rap songs didn't draw more troops)...why would I still care about you?  You're not in my daily life.  I've managed to tuck you away for the most part...but you have proven your power time and again...you make yourself important, showing up when I least expect it...looking at old family photograph albums and you're in the background...looking on amazon for an astrology book and nothing but books by or about you come up...just when I think I'm over you, there you are asking "are you sure"?  I shouldn't give a shit, right?

But we have special circumstance, you and I.  You've served me well over the years as a partial source of blame.  I've hated you since I was 12.  Not actively...I never contacted you, I never involved myself in the multiple internet arguments about you...it's just a deep feeling that gets stirred up whenever I am reminded of your existence.  Deep.  I just can't seem to forgive your existence.  Terrible for such a compassionate soul.  Bad human...bad girl...can't lose the hate...not when it comes to the guru.  That's what I've settled on as for as what to call you...just (the soul sucking black hole that is) the guru.  I don't care what you want to be called, that's what you are in my head, from childhood...the guru...I see no reason to make any effort in my life to change that just cause you did...many times.  I rarely capitalize it...I most definitely do not believe you are a true Guru, teacher of Truth.  As you're well aware, we had framed pictures of you all over the house to pray and prostrate to, as "The Lord", and for years after we left the cult your face entered my mind anytime anyone mentioned "God" or "Lord".  I did finally manage to remove you from any association with God, which didn't take too much effort, thankfully.  You've never been anything more than a man to me, a man called guru.  But the hold you have on me is real and I have no idea how to break free, not sure it's even possible, I just have to minimize it wherever I can.  I'm afraid you'll always be a part of me, you are eternally linked to my beautiful father's death...your ugly face is the last thing he saw right before he blew his brains out with a .38.  He was looking at a picture of you and had a rose to offer you, his Guru and Perfect Master...his Lord...still...and he left me for you, again.  And now I hate you...and guns...and roses.  It's so weird for me to admit that...the hate...it's so not like me and I can't think of one other thing that I'd be comfortable saying that about...hatred is a weird thing to carry...so irrational...so real...you, guns, roses...I fucking hate all three of you.

Too bad, cause you know, what's not to love about a red rose?  I cringe every time I see the glorious thing.  Same is true for guns and you.  One one level, it really is guttural. Lesser even...Pavlovian...cellular...a sickening knee jerk response that the rational mind should be able to recognize and adjust for real quick.  And sometimes, it can.  I can admire a lovely, simple bouquet of white or yellow roses in the right setting.  A gun on a cop's hip doesn't always make me want to throw up.  And you, well, I want you to know that the hate I own for you is not so one dimensional.  It does exist in that Pavlovian realm.  It also exists in higher realms, it's well thought out and much heavier than anything you might dismiss as reactionary or elementary.  Mine comes with higher awareness, lowly jealousy, critical analysis, warrant, consideration of other approaches.  Too.  This is the one thing you are one hundred percent powerless to turn away from or change...my irrational, well considered, multi leveled and multilayered oh so rational hate for you, the guru, the MAN who took my dad away twice.

A beautiful person asked me once, if I had any compassion for you.  "NO" blurted out before I could even process the question...it surprised me.  But then I realized, I didn't need time to process, I'd already deeply considered that for myself...question already asked and answered.  The short version was "absolutely not simply because he is still AT IT".  That guy, that fat, sick, ugly, greedy, abusive, lying, uninteresting, uncharismatic, chauvinistic little Indian man, is still taking money for himself...massive amounts of money that could change the world...and still letting brain dead people kiss his fucking feet...and still making many false claims...and still neglecting to acknowledge his past, or  "The 14 Objections", which are very serious and still require answers.  I have tons of compassion for people who have done terrible things...when they've humbled themselves to be truly sorry, truly pennant, and truly corrective.  A heartfelt and sincere apology does have power.  Accepting a difficult apology is not at all required, and is therefore amazing grace in action.  And earned and righteously used second chances are nothing short of mini miracles.  Too bad we just don't know how you could change the world with a second chance...if only we could get you to let go of the first one...and apologize.  I could possibly be open to finding compassion for you and your fucked up ways, if you were looking for forgiveness and a (real) second chance...but we both know that will never happen.

The longer version of the "NO" answer to my beautiful friend was this, "I rather like the disgust...I actively remove my wiser higher self when I think of him, the hate feels much better and much more authentic than any building block forgiveness for the sake of being the better person or releasing the past.  You know me, of course by now I've used my bigger eyes".

In my natural state, the compassion that dwells within led me to see how easily you could be viewed as a victim.  Of course I let my mind go there, I just didn't let my heart follow!  It was the Perfect Storm:  a crazy, delusional family; the clash of religions, East meets West; the clash of ages, Pisces and Aquarius; the aftermath of the clash of Nations that took War to a whole new level; and ultimately the clash of the stars, that created the astrological chart that you embody so well in a twisted sort of way...you were given many gifts that you abused.  Trust me, I've taken the subject of how not to hate you to the highest levels of awareness with profound knowledge of Universal Ways.  I SEE how it all happened, and I also see the countless opportunities you had to fix it.  The bottom line remains the same...you were the last thing my Dad saw and thought of here on Earth and my cells hurt every time I see a picture of you, and the hate remains, and it's fine by me.

Wow, that's a lot of words to essentially just say 'dear guru, I hate you'.  But that really is all I wanted to say.  There's nothing I require of you, nothing more to confess...I only wanted to express...and ended up rambling.  Have I somehow become you?  I hope I at least make sense better than you ever did. 

Sincerely,

A Premie Daughter...who loves her hate for you

...did I mention that I hate you?  We're clear on that, right?

...did I mention, that even though I happen to know that you are the one thing, at one point in my dad's life, that made him glow...the only thing that made him 'happy'...that I don't care...I get no comfort from knowing that...you manipulated it out of him and I fucking hate you.