Dang! Still at a disadvantage! These people are grounded as dirt and I still feel like air around them. It makes me feel like one can heal but perhaps never fully recover, not with a thirty-four year diversion from real, genuine and unfettered self discovery/grounding in the middle of one's life.
I also tend to be more airy than earthed a lot of the time, but i believe that was a part of my nature before I fell into a cult. I also believe that as much as I have needed grounded people in my life they have needed my airy nature as well to balance the heavy plod of earth elements. The disadvantage stems from the habit of self doubt that PR fostered in me and the premise that we are somehow flawed, instead of believing that the gift of one's presence has some value in the world, just as and who we are right now, and in all nows on a continuum. I believe in full recoveries, even overnight spontaneous healing, I believe miracles can and do happen and I therefore feel full recovery from rawatism is absolutely possible. For me it's about seeing my future as bigger than my past, not in terms of linear time but in terms of what it's possible to feel and discover and experience now. There is no doubt we were heavily influenced for way longer than we wanted to be by the big fat lie that the cult sold us. Now that we're out the daily unfolding of becoming who we fully are, in new contexts, through new challenges, with new materials and information, we get to chose now and mold ourselves accordingly. We are still growing and I hope we always feel that, because it is a whole lot more alive than marking time in the same spot, reinforcing beliefs that don't stand up to the scrutiny of critical thinking, or are built on a false foundation that has salient pieces of information missing. Leaving a cult is a momentous thing to have achieved. It is an uncommon mental, emotional and spiritual shift that epitomises 'healing'. We are already fully recovered, now we are just experiencing all the many gifts that healing is offering us, new contexts , new observations about ourselves, we get to revise every belief of ourselves and the world, a fresh start, many fresh starts and maybe thats why it seems we will never fully recover, But I believe we are fully recovered , we are now experiencing what that new life has to offer, many growth opportunities, many new depths discovered, we are 'living' for a change, not a hologram of ourselves any longer. Embrace your differences and the fact that you are strong enough to have come through this, many never will, even though they see themselves, just as i had in the past as fully healed, fully recovered from L I F E by merging my energy with an illusion of peace. I think we are always evolving through every step and so I see the illusory depths of cult involvement as a phase, a pre cursor to waking up. For whatever reason. Sometimes it doesn't serve me to ask 'why?' so much as 'how?'. We have already reached the destination, now we have time to explore what that means to us each day. I'm sure there will be more discoveries and more aha moments but that doesn't mean I'm not fully recovered, it means I'm alive and not stagnating in a warped version of an outdated and self centred cult- giving myself over to a fake love and a false peace and all his false promises